The Beginning

Remember that song from the Sound of Music, I think, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start . . .” Well that just popped into my head. Really, when someone asks me about my faith, I never really know where to start. I think truly, it was before I was born because it says that God knows us before we are born and I really think it just goes back all that way. Let’s get something straight, I am a terrible person and I’ve done terrible things, and I can only claim to be a Christian because of God’s mercy on me and not because I’m an example to hold up of how to live your life. No. Oh, no. But I have known God my whole life. He has been faithful to me when I was not, and am not, faithful to Him. I am grateful for that beyond words, and most of the time I don’t even comprehend it. I would have kicked my butt to the curb long, long, ago. Luckily, God has more love and patience than I do. I heard recently that, “God loves us not because of who we are, but because of who he is.” It was such a wonderful revelation to me, such a load off my shoulders, because even though I know about forgiveness and grace, I hadn’t yet thought of the words to make it fit into my brain. I didn’t yet have a little anchor to hold onto when things (read those voices in my head that tell me what a loser I am) get stormy.

I was raised a Protestant and converted to Catholicism about 6 years ago. There are parts of being a Protestant that I miss, the singing hymns I know in church, and the sermons, but I love being a Catholic very much. Catholicism to me feels like taking the next step in Christianity. When I was a protestant I knew God, knew theology, was forgiven, prayed, but when I became Catholic it all became deeper, more clear to me. I guess it’s hard to explain. It’s like going to a wonderful museum and seeing lots of wonderful things, but later you discover that you’ve just been standing in the lobby, you haven’t even seen the real stuff yet! It’s not the best analogy, but it’s all I can come up with for now.

I was going to start off this blog, which is just my personal spiritual walk blog – not preaching, not teaching, just walking along thinking about all the cool stuff (and the confusing stuff, and the bad things too) in God’s world. Then I started thinking about the beginning and like I said, I don’t really know where it starts. It took several years of studying and praying before I became a Catholic. I was afraid, because God and faith isn’t something you just “switch teams” on. For me it was earth shattering, life changing, and I suppose that’s how God intends his presence to be in people’s lives. He shakes us up, he pushes us to our limits, he makes us be MORE than we are. So much more.

Anyway, I decided to start with the place that changed my mind.

Then Jesus said to them: Amen, amen, I say unto you: except you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you shall not have life in you.

He that eateth my flesh and drinketh my blood hath everlasting life: and I will raise him up in the last day.

For my flesh is meat indeed: and my blood is drink indeed.

He that eateth my flesh and drinketh my blood abideth in me: and I in him.

As the living Father hath sent me and I live by the Father: so he that eateth me, the same also shall live by me.

This is the bread that came down from heaven. Not as your fathers did eat manna and are dead. He that eateth this bread shall live for ever.

These things he said, teaching in the synagogue, in Capharnaum.

Many therefore of his disciples, hearing it, said: This saying is hard; and who can hear it?

But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples murmured at this, said to them: Doth this scandalize you?

If then you shall see the Son of man ascend up where he was before?

It is the spirit that quickeneth: the flesh profiteth nothing. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life.

But there are some of you that believe not. For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were that did not believe and who he was that would betray him.

And he said: Therefore did I say to you that no man can come to me, unless it be given him by my Father.

After this, many of his disciples went back and walked no more with him.

Then Jesus said to the twelve: Will you also go away?

And Simon Peter answered him: Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life.

~ John 6: 54-69